How to get Fur out of Chocolate

[Guest]

She's got a new keyboard, it's a wireless. I think it's bust, I've been trying to get it to tune into a radio station for the last half hour... nothing, absolutely nothing. The mouse thing is no better, its wireless to and no music. It has a battery in it, and you still have to push it. Wassa point of that then? I liked the old one better. Least it had a safety harness and bungee string on it. It had neat slippery feet to, it was great to wizz about on the desktop, bouncing it off the phone and stuff, and when it did its Lemming leap, you could pull it back up on its safety harness. Not like this new one, it just bounces on the floor with a *THUNK* and lies on its back like a dead turtle. Useless I tell you, and they call it progress.

 

Now, if you really want to see progress you just need to look at Pandas. Always fighting, always covered in bruises. Have you noticed how all new cubs always come pre-beaten up. They all have black eyes at birth. Isn't nature wonderful?

 

Anyway, to the subject. I'd just woken up from my pre-hibernation practice sleep and I was feeling a bit peckish, so I figured I'd go get something to eat and immediately thought "Fridge!! always a good place to find bear type food."

 

Well you would have been proud of me. An amazingly cunning plan. I scuttled up the front of the base unit, it was quite smooth and slippery I really had to dig in hard with my claws, thankfully I only slipped once. I'm sure she wouldn't notice the gouges. Once on the summit it was a short run and a leap of faith. Is it a bird? Is it a plane?... no it's a remarkably fat bear, I really need to shed some weight, but i sailed through the air with as much grace as I could muster and grabbed the fridge door handle as I flew by. I swung on it like Quasimodo on a bell rope, but much prettier I hasten to add, and low and behold the door swung open. And there in front of me, a whole bar of chocolate!

 

Now, I have to explain. It wasn't my fault. I've told her before about not putting the top back on the milk carton properly, but does she listen? Anyway, as I entered the fridge a four pint container exited, and under the influence of Newton, hurtled towards the floor. Thankfully it wasn't a full carton, she'd had milk for two cups of tea out of it. A quick dismount with a double back flip somersault thingy that Nadia Commehedge would have been pleased with, I landed on the carpet to rapturous applause from Me.

 

Have you ever noticed? How good that brown stuff in meuseli is at soaking up milk, shame it tastes like genetically modified cardboard. The box said it contained honey, I emptied it all out looking and didn't find any. How are people fooled by these marketing ploys. I sat and watched for a few seconds till I decided it was marginally less interesting than watching paint dry and took my plunder back to bed.

 

Now! Pay attention, because this is where the problem starts.

 

I turned up the Teddy Toaster so the bed would be nice and snuggley, opened the choccy carefully so I didn't spill any and had a big bite or two, and after all those exertions I figured I deserved a snooze.

 

The screams rose in octaves it positively made my ears hurt, I don't know how she worked it out, I thought I'd covered my tracks pretty well. I had nibbled and sucked out all the melted chocolate on the sheets, there wasn't much of a stain left I put on my innocent face and prepared to bluff it out. What I hadn't realised that I'd fallen asleep in the chocolate and left a huge face print in the pillow.

 

I'm sure I got spanked bald, and now I've got a butt like a baboon.

 

I like water like everyone else, but I'd never seen that much outside a whisky glass before, she called it a bath, I call it something out the Inquisition. It was frightening. Or it was until I saw the nail brush, and who would have thought you could do that with soap. I swear never again will I have a bath. Talk about having a bad fur day, I can't do a thing with it, I look positively... Cute. I hate it.

 

So if anyone knows a better way of getting fur out of chocolate I want to know about it.

 

Bernadette.

[Worker 11811]

Hi Bernatette!

 

We, the Bears, are hijacking our human's internet connection so that we can talk to you better. He doesn't usually mind if we use his computer so long as we don't get into trouble.

 

Is your fur made from mohair, wool or cotton? Are you a real fur Bear? Or are you a plush Bear, made from modern synthetics? (Polyester.)

 

If you are a modern plush Bear the way your human cleaned you was probably the right way. "Surface Wash" is what they call it. We don't care WHAT they call it. It's not dignified!

 

If you are made from mohair, wool or cotton or real fur your fibers are absorbent and will take-in the fat from the cocoa butter in the chocolate. You'll have to be more careful. You're going to think this sounds barbaric but tell your human to put you in the freezer for a few hours. (Don't worry! Your fur will keep you warm!) The freezing temperature will congeal the chocolate so it's easier to remove from the fur. When it is fully solidified, simply brush out your fur and the chocolate will flake off.

 

Then, if there is any residue left, you should be able to remove it with a careful surface cleaning.

 

Our humans give us our baths using mild soap and warm water.

 

>> Click HERE to see how or humans give us a bath. <<

 

They use mild soap like "Johnson's Baby Shampoo" or "Dr. Bronner's Baby Mild Castile Soap". But, if you go to the Teddy Bear Store, you might be able to find some specially made "Bear Bath" soap just for the purpose.

 

Do check out >> THIS WEBSITE << to see what Teddy Bear Manufacturers recommend to clean Bears with.

 

>> THIS WEBPAGE << tells how the manufacturer recommends to clean our fur.

 

Then they use a bowl of warm water and a clean wash cloth. A tablespoon-sized squirt of soap in the bowl of water... just enough to make a few suds... is all you need. Then dip the cloth in the water and carefully wash. Then they rinse the cloth and repeat as necessary until we are clean. Finally, a clean cloth with nothing but warm water removes any left over soap.

 

They dry us with a clean terrycloth towel, blotting us until we are mostly dry. Then they use an electric blowdryer on the lowest heat setting to dry and fluff our fur again. It's not always possible to get our fur completely dry so, they let us sit in a warm, dry place until we are done.

 

Finally, they give us a nice brushing with a short-bristled, natural boar's hair brush. You know, the kind that they use to brush children's hair.

 

>> Click for picture <<

 

Don't let them use a brush that's ever been used to brush a human's hair! The oil's from a human's hair will get into our fur! Use a special brush just for Bears!

 

Brush us all over and fluff our hair back up. We should be looking fine!

 

Just for good measure, make sure you get your human to bake you some cookies when she's done giving your bath. Tell her it's TRAUMATIC getting your fur all wet and you NEED the cookies to sooth your nerves! (Human's fall for it every time! )

 

Oh! Before we go... You should learn some tactics on how to raid the fridge!

 

>> Teamwork is the ONLY way to go! <<