Fur's Legacy?

[joebolton]

I know that in the past we've discussed what first triggered our affinity of fur, weather it be a fur clad relative or something deeper in the psyche such as the comforting softness or something animalistic.

 

But I now wonder: How many of us with children are going intentionally attempt to create a trigger for them. And with that in mind how many of us may have been exposed to fur as a child to illicit our affection of fur?

 

JB

[wallee]

Interesting first post.

 

Welcome aboard Joe.

[Guest]

Welcome

 

Interesting indeed.

 

I think it takes care of itself if fur is around. Kids simlygravitate to it. It's one of the extreme textures we learn as we grow. Not interfearing is the key, I think.

 

The more recent trend in PC households is the "that's bad" or "they kill kitty for that!" reaction which confuses small children.

 

If it's so "bad" why does it feel so good?

 

 

 

 

 

 

OFF

[auzmink]

My kids are exposed to fur, they adore my silver fox bedspread, my daughter wants one, in Amsterdam she saw lots of second hand mink hats / stoles etc and wanted one (or several). Seems to me my kids have no problems with it....

 

 

Auzmink

[FurLoverinFL]

Welcome Joe - hope you enjoy your time wit us. Your screen name seems familiar... were you with us back in the Melody days?

 

FLinFL

 

...of course, I could be thinking of Officer Joe Bolton who hosted Three Stooges shorts on the old Channel 5 in New York City going back 40, 45 years ago...

[ReFur]

Welcome Joe!

 

I have several old posts about trappers bringing their families in my fur shop.

 

For many of us, we have wonderful memories growing up with fur and our families.

 

Linda

Edited March 12, 2007 by Guest

[Ravens8]

OFF -

If it's so "bad" why does it feel so good?

 

 

If Bacon's so bad, why does it taste so good!!

 

Just think we should enjoy all.

[FrBrGr]

I know that in the past we've discussed what first triggered our affinity of fur, weather it be a fur clad relative or something deeper in the psyche such as the comforting softness or something animalistic.

 

But I now wonder: How many of us with children are going intentionally attempt to create a trigger for them. And with that in mind how many of us may have been exposed to fur as a child to illicit our affection of fur?

 

JB

 

Interesting first post, Joe, but I'm afraid that your question is rather confusing. You practically make it sound as if you are wondering if any of us have or would purposely create an environment for a child or children that would encourage the development of a fur fetish - if, indeed, something like that would be possible to do.

 

I have to say it, Joe - That comes off as being rather perverse - ! I doubt very, very seriously if anyone on this forum would ever "intentionally attempt to create a trigger" that would affect our children's psyches in any way, shape or form, including doing anything that would push them toward being a fur fetishist. I am a fur fetishist to the extent that in addition to appreciating the warmth, beauty and practicality of fur as a fashion, I also recognize the magical sensuality of fur, and I always have. Those feelings are shared to a large extent by my wife. I have worn fur in front of my kids, as has my wife. Just like we have worn wool coats or leather coats. Our kids never seemed to share our enthusiasm for fur as a fashion, and that's OK. We expected them to wear what best suited their personalities and comfort.

 

But when it came time to "talk about the birds and the bees" with each of them, rest assured that fur was never a part of the discussion. Nor was the subject of the sensual aspect of fur ever discussed or presented as an option at any time during either their formative years or their adolescent years.

 

Having been a part of the internet fur fashion and fetish community for over 15 years, I think I can pretty safely say that those of us in this community who have families, love our families. Our "kids" are the apples of our eye. What we do in The Fur Den in no way would ever involve our children in any way - ever. In fact, we have taken very measured steps to ensure that The Fur Den would never breach the sanctity of childhood in any way. That is why discussions involving youth, as well as pictures in our Gallery depicting teen aged or even younger children are prohibited.

 

Having said all of that, Joe, I really hope that I misread and totally misunderstood what you are asking. If I didn't, Joe, then as one of the owners of The Fur Den, I have to advise you that you are on a very slippery slope out of here if you persist with this topic.

 

[frugalfurguy]

Thanks for restating what the Fur Den's about in this specific context, FrBrGr. I wondered myself what was going on here, but I might not have understood Joe's intentions.

 

What it does call up for me are some questions about an older cousin by marriage to one of my mother's cousins. I'll call her Louanne to keep things anonymous. I can remember how she took an opportunity when she and I weren't the center of others' attention to pull from her purse a glossy brochure from a furrier. She pointed to a picture of a model in a full-length blue fox coat and said she'd tried that one on. Said how being inside it felt like she was a snowy mountain.

 

I shut down. It may have looked like bashfulness, but that's often how I showed anger. When she sprung that on me, I was somewhere on the cusp of statutory adulthood, but I was certainly not emotionally an adult, and absolutely not an adult in my attitude towards my sexuality. It would be decades before I'd more or less accept myself as a fur lover. I didn't want anyone, certainly not my mother, to know about it. Still, I felt aroused. At the same time I felt confused, susipcious, betrayed. I wondered if she'd somehow seen through me, knew what fur did to me and deliberately used it. But my assertiveness to talk to somebody about this episode had been well enough flogged out of me years earlier.

 

A few years later, my mom suggested I show up at a particular church on a particular day because another of her cousins would be there from some ways away for a singles gathering. I followed her tip. It was about this time of year which, for this climate, is certainly well out of reach of winter. Before I'd even come across the cousin I expected to see on the occasion, there was Louanne standing in the foyer wrapped in a blond nutria stroller. To this date, that's the only occasion I've hugged a woman in a fur coat. I felt aroused and at the same time I felt yucky. I was definitely struggling to deny that furs had any such effect on me at that time. Even if I had made peace with that desire, this wasn't someone I would want such an experience with. I didn't hug her because she was wearing fur. I hugged her in spite of it, because it was the thing I believed I had to do given the surprise encounter and all. But my torment wasn't over. During the church service, she sat next to me and made quite the fuss about settling in, asking me to help her off with her fur. I was extremely reluctant to do anything of the kind. She made an excuse for wearing this coat in spite of all the trees outside blooming with gusto: something about having come back from a missionary assignment on a tropical island and never having fully acclimatized back.

 

It may be after all that she's someone who happens to like furs much as anyone here and she would have behaved the same if I'd have had none of the particular attraction as I do. It may be that if she'd have known of my attraction she'd have acted differently. Still suspicions linger for me.

 

Joe's post could lead to some important discussion. I grew up with a great deal of confusion, as my story here probably makes very clear. If there were a possibility of some child in one's family had the beginnings of a fur fetish, how would one go about respecting that child's rights to discover their own sexuality? I felt invaded even though I was on the whiskered side of adolescence when the first episode I've shared happened. What measures would you take to avoid any such imposing on a possible fur fetishist of a younger generation?

 

Thanks for considering these questions!

 

frugalfurguy

[auzmink]

Frugalfurguy - wonderful story and it does relate some important issues, and I think an important one is:

 

1. Parents know their kids. I'm sure my folks knew of my 'appreciation' but didn't make anything negative or positive about it. Perhaps with your story it may leads the likes of myselves to be somewhat more sensitive and helping of our kids - but the line stops there - my fetish is my issue, the kids have their issues and we don't impose on each other.

 

2. My kids see fur in the bedroom / wardrobe and make comments or expressions - but thats not under any duress or 'you must like this my child'. So they are allowed to make up their own mind and talk to us if they want to.

 

We do our thing, they grow up normally with an open educated mind and enjoy life and what pleasures they want to...

 

Auzmink.

[Worker 11811]

joebolton;

 

Are children whose parents own guns more likely to become mass murderers?

 

Do children raised in homes with well-stocked bars (whose parents aren't alcoholics) have a greater chance of abusing alcohol?

 

I'm sure you'll immediately recognize these questions as virtually without merrit. So is your question.

 

First off, I think a parent who would allow a child to be esposed to sexual situations before he or she is mature enough is a reprehensible person. They should be locked up!

 

Second, let's imagine the unthinkable for a second. Don't you think it's just as likely that a child would be turned OFF of fur as he would be turned on to it? If parentd forced children into sexual situations before they were able to understand what's happening to them, it would make them unable to cope with sexual situations as an adult. If those sexual situations were centered around fur, the person would likely become anxious around fur, not excited by it!

 

Most of us remember some kind of precipitating event that either triggered our fur fetishes or started us on the road to fur fetishdom. The truth is that it's all anecdotal evidence without real proof. Memories aren't perfect. The human mind confabulates situations that didn't really happen from snippets of a person's real memories. This doesn't mean the event(s) in question didn't happen. But the way those events are interpreted can change over time.

 

Really this whole question is all based on supposition. The point I'm trying to get at is that it's impossible to know whether a parent can affect his or her child's emotional and sexual development by exposing them to fur at an early age.

[icepilot]

Hmmm, interesting. I must echo FrBrGr's initial confusion on intent and whole heartedly agree with his comments. I also believe that it is just as likely that kids might be turned off by fur as on. Are we wondering if fur fetisism is heredetary? I do not think so. I certainly would never attempt to influence my kids' either way when it comes to fur....let alone their sexual preferences.

 

As for me there was never any adult intentionally introducing me to fur. As for my household, my kids love snuggling under our lynx couch throw to stay warm. We have a fox bed spread on a quilt rack in the bedroom.

 

Our public acceptance of fur is indeed public. Our private love of fur is indeed private.

[RonGav]

This has become an interesting post. The primary question of a parent intentionally "introducing" a child to fur for perverse reasons is awful. But what about the passive introduction. What happens then?

 

Trying to remember my childhood and why my attraction to fur occurred, I fondly remember my Mom wore and appreciated her minks. Over time she taught me the qualities of a good fur and their proper care -- just as she taught me a wealth of appreciating other of life's niceties. My fondness for furs was both a result of her appreciation and, no doubt, some early psycho-sexual influences that none of us seem to understand. However the real intent of this reply is to address how I handled the issue as a parent.

 

 

After 6 years into our marriage, I convinced my first wife we should buy her a mink coat when we were about 27 years old. Our two girls were 4 and 5 at the time. Though I always encouraged my wife to wear her coat whenever possible, I never showed any extraordinary attraction to my wife's furs in front of my daughters. The girls saw Mom wearing her coats now and then as a part of daily life.

 

But over time, my wife grew increasingly liberal-PC and disliked the wearing of furs. I believe she influenced my daughters as well, to where I now know the older DEFINITELY would not wear a fur, and the younger would be reluctant -- just to avoid any controversy.

 

Jump ahead to my meeting of my second wife. I was not going to make the same mistake again -- that is, getting involved with a non-fur-wearer. I soon learned that my new lady friend owned a luscious mink given to her by her parents. She told me she also had a stunning blush fox stroller -- the reality of which I had never experienced first hand before. Her acceptance of furs obviously gave me the green light to pursue my interest in her.

 

As we became closer, and more trusting, I told her how I found furs attractive and sexy. I believe she appreciated a proven way to look attractive and sexy for me, thus would wear a fur out whenever approriate -- which in So. Calif. isn't often. When we finally reached the intimate level, I introduced furs into the bedroom. Though accepting, she really thought it "wierd."

 

Upon our marriage, I "inherit" a 12 year-old savy step-daughter, Jan. Now having lived together for the last 9 years, my step-daughter has learned of my passion for furs, helped in large part by my wife's informing the world of this affection at any opportunity. Jan has seen me wear my coats, even in the house on cold nights. I have to say over time my wife and she have finally accepted my "goofy behavior" as just being me..

 

Though my step-daughter is now 20, she has always thought the idea of her Mom and I "doing it" as being icky. Anyone else can do it, just not us. My wife and I are pretty discreet about "furs in the bedroom" ... but Jan knows.. and she knows the relationship: FURS = SEX. God forbid she sees a fur lying on the bed !

 

How will Jan deal with this experience in the future? I don't know, but I bet somehwere down the road, she'll try it. Jan's not against owning a fur coat some day, but I can tell she is weighing her PC friends' attitudes against her desire for something lovely and luxurious.

 

As for my wife's attitude.. during our marriage I have purchased a number of furs for her. She loves gifts and I always made the fur-giving occasion special, usually on our anniversary. The furs then have a special romantic significance for her as well as being pretty and sensuous.

 

I can modestly claim that 9 years of being carressed by furs in our lovemaking has turned her into a believer. If she is "in the mood" ... I will often be greeted by my wife wearing a sheer black teddy, peeking out of a sexy fox coat. The fox coat is every much a part of her enjoyment now as it is for me.

 

FINALLY !

[frugalfurguy]

Great story RonGav. Helpful, too, taking in how you've learned and adapted through life. Now if I'd had a way to get that kind of information fifteen years ago!

 

Too soon old. Too late wise!

 

Anyway, I'm glad I've found my way here late instead of never.

[kuma]

The original poster uses the word "Affinity", which is defined in the dictionary as as "liking or attraction" or "relationship". I don't think there is anything perverse about it at all, I think his meaning is to make sure children have an open mind towards fur. No different than making sure a child has an open mind towards sexuality (gay or straight), ethnicity, artistic expression, etc.

 

Growing up in the 1980's as a child, furs were taboo to me, I was taught that being around fur or liking it was taboo. Once, I was made to sit out in the car while my Dad took my Mom into a furrier. Children were not allowed in, and a sticker with a red crossmark on the store made it clear that no children were allowed inside. I was not allowed, rightfully so, because perhaps the owner was worried that children could damage their "luxurious" furs. I was cut off from a world that I desperately wanted to be a part of.

 

Then that stupid public service announcement on TV announcing that "Fur is bad", with models showcasing furs on a runway, horrificly spraying blood on the audience was broadcasted nationwide. I hate that ad and always will.

 

In the meantime, I secretly daydreamed of fur as a child. I dreamt about it in my sleep! One dream had me riding in the backseat of my car on the way home, and next to me was a shopping bag. In the shopping bag was my very own fur coat! I knew something was up. When fictional TV shows even began running episodes with eskimos wearing furs, I was immediately transfixed (in a good way). I remember an episode of Night Court where actress Kelly Hu plays an eskimo, making a grand entrance in a fur parka with these HUGE fur mitts.

 

I know this will sound strange, but as a naive child I was even transfixed by watching pom-poms being used by cheerleaders on TV. I actually thought they were made of fur! To my disapointment, I discovered they were made from light strips of plastic material. However, watching Toni Bail's "Hey Mickey" video made me think otherwise.

 

Then, when I became a mature teenager, I accidently overheard a young attractive woman in our house have a conversation with someone. She exclaimed: "I saw this soft sheepskin rug in a store today. I wanted to take it home and have sex on it all day long". Whoa! I knew then that my love of fur was shared, I was relieved. Then the internet came along with groups like this and I was at home.

 

For a moment, think about how our own senses react to things. Put a piece of chocolate or sour candy in your mouth and our brains react, or maybe they won't! Touch the hairs on any kind of fur, and our brains will react, or maybe they won't!

 

Now, think about growing up as a child. As children we have things that we loved taken away from us. It's a cruel fact, but we are made to grow up. A teddy bear, stuffed animal, a soft blanket - we can't have those things anymore because they're childish. If you take these things away from a child then tradgedy strikes. A child will fall on the ground crying and sobbing hysterically if they are taken away. It's an awful thing to see.

 

Now, on our own as adults, we want to escape into our own comfort. Our brains react to comfortable fluffy, soft furs. No different than our taste buds react to a piece of sour candy or chocolate. Like others have said in this thread, they want to let their children discover things on their own. None of us would ever discourage our children from wearing or enjoying fur. But, it's none of our business, it's just a natural part of growing up! However, the original poster, like many of us, may have been taught as a child that fur is taboo, or unheard of in ones life.

 

It's great that we have the freedom to enjoy fur in our adult lives. We have the freedom and money to do so. Yet, there is an innocent element to it. It simply comforts us, soothes us, etc.

 

I would rather have a teenager understand that escaping into comfortable security with a furry teddy bear, or sleep peacefully on a sheepskin bed is fine. I would never object to it. It would be their business, not mine. It's ten times better to use that method of escape instead of seeing them crawl into the alternative, which is using hard drugs and alcohol, just to escape from reality.

 

I take comfort that I can wear a fur lined parka, hug a teddy bear (even though I'm an adult), or own a fur coat. There are different perspectives on the issue. However, I think the point is to allow a child to have an open mind to fur, rather than discriminate it. Cutting oneself off from what they take comfort in (a healthy comfort for one) is a horrible thing to do. It will only create problems later on.

 

Sadly, children will always have this problem no matter what, whether it be from their own parents, media, peers, etc. It happens every single day all around the world.

 

- Kuma

(Sorry for the spelling mistakes in this post)

[Guest]

kuma;

 

Not sure it was just awaking from a nap when I started to read your post or your writing style but the first part hit me with an Orwellian sense of horror.

 

It is all to be likened to the artistic sensibility of children being taught what art is and is not when the child already has that knowlege intuitively. It's much like the chant in Pink Floyd's "The Wall" chorous of the children being "carefully taught".

 

Such is the horror of a child being raised in "civilized" society today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OFF