Blonde jokes

[ReFur]

A couple of blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, one of the blondes said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are."

 

The cashier leaned over the counter and said:

 

"Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg"

 

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A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. "I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents.

 

The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bad was sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

 

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Three blondes are stuck on a desert island and one finds a magic lamp. They rub it and a genie pops out and gives them each a wish.

 

The first blonde says, "I wish I was 10% smarter so I could get off of this island." Then she turns into a redhead and swims off the island.

 

The second sees what happens and says "I wish I was 25% smarter so that I can get off this island!" She then turns into a brunette, makes a raft from trees and sails off.

 

Finally, the third blonde says "I wish I was 50% smarter so I can get off this island." She then suddenly turns into a man and walks across the bridge.

 

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A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands.

 

"Carl," she says. Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps 'cause they're contagious." "Very good," says the teacher.

 

Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious." The teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!"

 

Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?" Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin' around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, 'It's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.'"

 

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A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff.

 

The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling.

 

So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing.

 

He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down.

 

He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

 

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Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."

The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."

The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."

The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

 

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Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their

Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door

open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped

for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously,

"Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

 

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A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

 

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

 

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

 

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[JGalanos]

Hysterical!

 

Welcome back to the land of the posting, Miz Linda!!!

[LordTheNightKnight]

Italian engineers were discussing how to stop the leaning tower from falling over. A blond passed by and said they could just weigh down the other side.

 

It was so stupid, it worked.

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, there was no blond, but it makes a good joke, I hope.

[ReFur]

Hope you have a happy new year Lord!!

[Worker 11811]

Italian engineers were discussing how to stop the leaning tower from falling over.....

 

Truth is stranger than fiction in this case, Lord!

It was in the late 1970's when they decided that they had to straighten the tower for fear of it falling over. There's pretty much nothing in Pisa except for the Leaning Tower. If it falls over, the entire economy of the city will practically be ruined because they won't have the tourist trade anymore.

 

So, back then, I remember all sorts of Saturday morning TV shows where kids would write in with their ideas on how to straighten the tower. They had all sorts of harebrained ideas like using elephants to pull it back up again but, in the end the idea that "won" was to use giant lead weights on the other side to make it go back up.

 

The engineers used that idea, pretty much as is, except for the addition of large steel bands around the tower to prevent the bricks from cracking and falling apart under the stress of being "pushed" up against gravity.

 

I was in Pisa during the 80's and got to go up in the tower before they closed it. I believe it was the last summer the tower was open for tourists.

 

Isn't the tower open again for limited tourist visits?

 

It's been so long I don't remember.

[LordTheNightKnight]

Italian engineers were discussing how to stop the leaning tower from falling over.....

 

Truth is stranger than fiction in this case, Lord!

It was in the late 1970's when they decided that they had to straighten the tower for fear of it falling over. There's pretty much nothing in Pisa except for the Leaning Tower. If it falls over, the entire economy of the city will practically be ruined because they won't have the tourist trade anymore.

 

So, back then, I remember all sorts of Saturday morning TV shows where kids would write in with their ideas on how to straighten the tower. They had all sorts of harebrained ideas like using elephants to pull it back up again but, in the end the idea that "won" was to use giant lead weights on the other side to make it go back up.

 

The engineers used that idea, pretty much as is, except for the addition of large steel bands around the tower to prevent the bricks from cracking and falling apart under the stress of being "pushed" up against gravity.

 

I was in Pisa during the 80's and got to go up in the tower before they closed it. I believe it was the last summer the tower was open for tourists.

 

Isn't the tower open again for limited tourist visits?

 

It's been so long I don't remember.

 

Why do you think I don't know this? Didn't my addendum make it clear I knew a blond wasn't in the real event?