Surprised by ...

[frugalfurguy]

Okay, I live in a mild climate. This winter was a particularly quiet one with only one or two more or less memorable fox trimmed parka hoods. I certainly had no hopes of spotting fully fur garments, let alone full-length. And here it is virtually equinox. Oh well.

 

So this evening a friend and I were standing on a street corner chatting and laughing. I was dimly aware of some folks behind us getting into a car. It'd been a very mild, mostly sunny day. There was a breeze up, and I almost was inclined to put on my sweater. Almost. I heard the hatch of the car behind close. About the same time I turned around. There was a lady fluffing a pretty nearly full-length red squirrel coat. At the same time she was greeting us asking something about what was up for my friend and me for the evening. As she spoke, she put on the coat, saying something about she didn't put it on often but she was starting to feel some chill. I'm not out with this friend, so I decided not too obviously to compliment the stranger on her coat. I did, however, tell her, "Yes, do stay warm." My guess was the coat was a yard sale or thrift shop find. All the same I enjoyed the beholding, the way the wind played at it; frugalfurguy doesn't require $94.032.32 sable coat to be thrilled, after all.

 

So far, she'd definitely got my attention. But then the wet rag. She started talking about going to church. When she turned back to get something from her car, my friend and I exchanged mischievous glances. We're quite the confirmed backslidden heretics and both rather be left alone to our disorganized quasi-religious spiritualities. Our new interlocutor came back with free passes to some sort of drama her church had brewing, and I let her go at that. Great to have met someone that likes fur and's willing to sport it in a breeze with just a trace of chill. But I ain't gonna chase her into a church!

 

So for me it's surprised by red squirrel. C.S. Lewis might scowl from heaven, and I'll let him (is that the gift of joy??). No thanks, but the red squirrel coat was a treat. Thanks!

[FurLoverinFL]

Hmmm... apparently single... likes fur... personally, I would've followed her into church - but that's just me! ..... After all, it is holy week.

 

Now if you and she were to have walked down the isle, only to find a wedding waiting for you, I'd then concur that you'd be better off running fast and far away!

 

FLinFL

[frugalfurguy]

Actually there was a reason in addition to the woman's professed religion I hesitated. The friend I was with's also female. The way I saw it (I didn't actually stop to analyze it right then, but it seems to explain part of my reluctance) I'd agreed to spend this time with my friend who happens to be a woman. I don't see my relationship with her as romantic. It's about getting to know myself better while valuing a closer acquaintance with someone whose company I dearly enjoy. But on the other hand, it would seem out of place for me to be cultivating a contact with some third party when I'm spending time with this non-romantic lady friend. I don't know how things might change between me and this friend over time. I want to be willing to let go of fantasies of it becoming a romantic relationship. I'm not there now, and I don't control the way things will go in the future. But it seems that my taking advantage of meeting someone new while I'm in my lady friend's company would be a way of trying to see if I can excite some jealousy. I don't need that. So I still don't regret responding as I did.

 

But having been in that situation that's so exceedingly unusual in my life stirs up some things I want to be working on. It seems I still see something of a threat in a situation like that, as if I shouldn't be aroused by what I saw, as if I should do whatever it takes to get out of there. So if I should have another similar encounter when I'm alone, I have some things I want to be different next time. I want to be able to stand my ground, accepting the emotional and endocrine responses that are there. At the same time I want to accept full responsibility for what's going on in me, not letting it interfere with my being emotionally available to banter a bit with the fur-wrapped woman. Now I know it's not going to happen that I'd do it with the same ease I would with any other woman. But the price of success is discomfort. I want to be willing to stop assuming she'd know exactly what put me on edge. I want to be willing to make that be none of her business. Well, she'd get to speculate whatever she's speculating, but as far as I'm concerned, what she's thinking of me's none of my business--certainly not something I can control.

 

Another thing that occurs to me right now is that in practically any such encounter I've ever had, I've had an urge to self-sabotage things. It's a way of maintaining control. I've lived a lonely life in part because of such a perceived need for control. I believe I deserve better of myself.

 

You know, come to think of it, I've never overtly complimented a woman on her furs. I've only offered grudging implicit compliments, such as staring (if that was taken as a compliment, at least). Wednesday evening's encounter was the closest I've come to offering a straightforward compliment. And there was a reason I checked myself then. I'm not ready to out myself as a affurcionado to the friend I was with. Maybe I never will be.

 

What I do regret is that this opportunity came when I was restrained from seeing where it might go. (And at this point, simply being able to keep friendly small talk going with a lady in furs would be plenty.) I guess we're faced with what we're ready for at a given time. Maybe I just needed to do this thinking with my keyboard to be ready for a real opportunity.

[Worker 11811]

I'd agreed to spend this time with my friend ...

 

One who abandons a friend's company in favor of a stranger, simply for the promise of a glance at a woman wearing a fur coat, isn't much of a friend. Is he?

 

Turning down that invitation is about the classiest thing I've ever heard of you doing!

A friend should stick by his friends regardless of gender. The only possible exception I can imagine would be if you were out with your guy friends who gave you the "green light" to go after her... Wink-wink! Nudge-nudge! Ya-knowwhatimean?

 

What I do regret is that this opportunity came when I was restrained from seeing where it might go.

 

No. I think you lament the loss of the FANTASY of where this opportunity might lead, had you given up your principles and let the "little head" do the thinking for the "big head".

 

I think it's better you followed your head instead of your heart. Friendship is far more important than a fleeting thrill. Besides, with friendship comes "social networking". People who have good friends and who can maintain healthy relationships with them have MUCH better chances of meeting somebody else who would be a good match to form a long-term relationship with.

 

That's code for "Women friends talk."

 

Maybe you won't ever form a romantic relationship with your current woman friend but she's got friends. Who knows? Maybe some day, she'll be chatting in the "girl's room" with some of her friends and will casually say something like, "I know this really great guy..."

 

Stranger things have happened!