Some of Esquire's Rules To Live By ...

[JGalanos]

RULE NO. 315: Never trust a man in leather trousers without a motorcycle.

 

RULE NO. 372: A white suit is a fine long-term investment. It'll serve you well in the sanatorium.

 

RULE NO. 415: When trying on new shoes, if they pinch your feet, try this: Walk out of the store in your old ones. Keep walking.

 

RULE NO. 241: One out of every four spiritual healers used to be a dental assistant.

 

RULE NO. 642: No one ever got laid by wearing a sperm costume on Halloween.

 

Rule No. 529: Unless you're driving a car named KITT, it's never appropriate to expose more than two buttons' worth of chest hair.

 

Rule No. 875: Learning to sew a button is an important part of becoming a man.

 

Rule No. 876: More important is learning that you can pay a tailor three dollars to do it for you.

 

Rule No. 34: The best breakfast places close at 3:00 P.M.

 

Rule No. 136: If you are over 30 and still citing your SAT score, you haven't accomplished enough in life yet.

 

Rule No. 278: Characters in movies should never have more fun than the audience. Especially if singing is involved.

 

Rule No. 317: If you are from Eastern Europe and you are an Academy Award nominee, there is a 94 percent chance that you're up for best cinematography.

 

Rule No. 34: There is no better feeling in the world than the one you get from having a business lunch cancel.

 

Rule No. 42: No one should be arrested for keying a car with vanity plates.

 

Rule No. 55: A man whose office walls display photos of himself with celebrities is unworthy of respect.