Why do I feel guilty?

[Guest]

Recently I received an American Express gift card for the sum of $200 from a publisher. I guess I ordered books for one of my classed or something. Frankly I can't remember ordering anything from this publisher. At any rate, I immediately thought "I'll order TWO rex rabbit massage gloves from Mink Glove" (one for each hand). Coincidently I also bought a motorcycle with the intent of using it to commute. Well THAT is a long story , but suffice it to say, it will be involved to get it road worthy. My wife is NOT happy!

 

Our daughter had the opportunity to visit the college she will be attending next year, so I actually offered my wife to use the AE gift card so we could buy the airline ticket. My daughter didn't make the trip. I think she had to study.

 

SOOOOO I still have the AE gift card, but I can't bring myself to order the massage gloves as I feel guilty that I spent $1500 on a bike I can't use right away. I KNOW my wife wouldn't "approve" of fur massage gloves (perverted...we've been through this). Why do I hesitate in getting the gloves when I'm not going to tell her anyway??? PLUS, it isn't as if I'm taking "household money" to "piss away" on something frivolous. It is truly "free money".

 

Any insight or encouragement is appreciated. Oh yeah tomorrow (May 28th) is my birthday. I'm 56. Gotta run or ride a bike something to do with 56 miles...or one half 56 miles.

 

CIAO!

 

JA

[Worker 11811]

This is a tough one because I see no problem with having fur gloves at all.

 

If this isn't going to hurt your budget there's nothing wrong with spending the money. The only question is whether you could use the money to pay some other bills. I don't know if you do. I'm just asking.

 

You are sort of "required" to spend the money. You can't cash in the card for money. If you read the fine print, you might find that it expires after a period of time. If you don't use the card to buy something you might lose it. Again, I don't know. I'm just sort of asking.

 

So the question becomes about the relationship between you and your wife. IF you buy the fur without telling her and she finds out, what will she think? Do you even care what she thinks?

 

If it won't cause a rift between you (or if you don't care if it causes a rift) then go ahead. If you do care and there's any chance that it will cause a problem, you'd better think twice.

 

Is there any way to compromise? Would she let you buy fur if you promised to buy something nice for her with half the money?

 

I know you said she's not into fur but don't forget that if, you do buy two gloves, you could consider them "His and Hers" instead of one for each hand. Would she let you give her a "nice" fur massage? By "nice" I mean a non-sexual massage. You could rub her shoulders and her back. Maybe her legs and feet. Girls often dig foot massages. Whatever she likes but stay away from "home base" if you know what I mean.

 

If you gave her a "nice" massage would she return the favor? It would be even better if you wore one glove and she wore the other while you touched each other. Again, stay "nice" unless all signs point to "yes."

 

I don't mean to criticize but I don't understand her hangup. Whatever a husband and wife do in the privacy of their own bedroom is NOBODY's damn business! So long as no laws are broken it's anything goes behind closed doors... Whips and chains... Whipped cream and chocolate syrup. Whatever! Touching each other with fur is no big deal, especially compared to some of the crazy sh*t you can find on the internet.

 

Did she have some kind of conservative/repressed upbringing?

 

Is it possible that she's just anti-fur the "perversion" angle is just an excuse?

 

Sorry if I sound like I'm prying. I'm just as confused as you are.

[Guest]

Thanks for all the insight Worker! No you are not prying. After all, I'm the one who brought all this up. Let's see if I can remember your big points. The card does have an expiration date. I believe it is July of 2012. I remember that because it seemed like a very generous window of opportunity.

 

I've thought about getting to do the "one glove each" sort of thing. I'm just really not sure how she would respond to the request. She actually said to me the other day. "Don't you miss being touched?" I responded "YES! That is why I love fur, it touches me." She used to LOVE being touched VERY SOFTLY especially on her back. I could surprise her one day...I don't know.

 

She was raised conservatively. She was a member of the "Young Republicans" in S. Cal. She campaigned for Nixon as a teenager! Recently she has become less Republican, but not more Democrat if that makes any sense.

 

Not sure about the "anti-fur" thing. She used to volunteer at the SF Opera House. One of ther jobs was in coat cheeck. Once the opera started she and her coworker would try on fur coats. Maybe its a "anti guy-in-fur" thing...

 

On the other hand, I really DON'T care if she "finds out". Unfortunately we are kind of beyond that. Well, I am anyway.

 

Our bills aren't outrageous, mortgage which is O.K., a car payment (her car by the way, and one payment is MORE than the massage gloves), then the usual stuff food, power, etc. I either ride a bicycle to work (~8 miles) or ride my Honda 90, thus I buy about a gallon of gas every week and a half.

 

So I guess all in all, I should get the damn gloves!

 

Thanks Worker!

 

PS Thanks for posting the Jill St. John pics.

[auzmink]

Sensuality should not equal guilt.....we only have one life as far as we know, its not much money, and damm it, we need to enjoy life and each other.

 

Massage gloves pop up in our house from time to time, not used terribly regularly, and more so in Summer, so go with your instincts.....

 

Auzmink

[ReFur]

Happy belated birthday CA!!

[Guest]

Thank you Linda!

 

JA

[Worker 11811]

I'm getting a vibe that tells me you and your wife aren't sharing much quality time together. I hope I'm wrong. But, if that's true, nothing you do will be the "right" decision in her mind.

 

I would like to believe that she would see a pair of "His and Hers" fur gloves as a nice thing for both of you. That would be the best thing, the way I see it. My only question is how she would respond to such a thing. It would be nice to think that she would like the idea of touching you with fur. Even if she doesn't dig fur, herself, she might see it as a way of controlling her man in the bedroom. Many girls enjoy that idea. If she does dig fur, even if she won't admit it publicly, it would be a way for you to "return the favor" or as a way to share some mutual pleasure.

 

If you're not sharing quality time with your wife then the proposal to share fur is likely to be a turn-off. She'll say it's gross and perverted, just as you said she would. It could even drive you farther apart.

 

If you've already gone over the cliff, so to speak, then do whatever you want. You're not busting your budget. You're not spending money out of savings. It's a windfall and it's money that must be spent or else you'll lose it. The fur would be a nice thing to have regardless of how you intend to use it.

 

The only middle of the road solution I can propose is to talk about it with your wife. She might be resistant to the idea. My only rebuttal is what I said before: What a husband and wife do in the privacy of their own bedroom is nobody's business. However, I don't think that will change her mind.

 

The compromise solution would be to buy fur for yourself and offer to buy her something nice with half the money.

 

It's a touch and go situation. It is as likely to go wrong as it is to go right.

[FrBrGr]

Furst of all, let me wish you a belated furless! My response is not nearly as eloquent as Worker's but heartfelt: Get the damned gloves! It's your birthday present to yourself! No explanations, no justifications and no excuses are really needed. Just do it!

[auzmink]

Other option, buy a fur scarf for yourself.....I guarantee you it will be of much more use....

 

Auzmink

[Guest]

Thanks all! Worker you have much insight! I'll be brief. About a year or so ago, my wife asked me how I would describe our relationship if I was asked by a friend. My response was "We tolerate one-another". Her response to that was: "That's sad, but that is what I said today when "so and so" asked me." That is it in a nutshell.

 

Further when our son joined the Navy she started sleeping in his bedroom.

 

It seems you all are thinking the same way: treat myself, it doesn't matter. I'll get my grades in and go for it.

 

See the "Bond topic".

 

A scarf, eh? I'd actually LOVE a chinchilla scarf. I have a gray wool overcoat that chinchilla would go well with!

[Worker 11811]

Y'Know, you might have a window of opportunity here!

>Link to other thread<

 

If your wife made a comment about the fur glove in "Thunderball" it could mean you have an opening to reboot your relationship. Even if her comment wasn't meant as a kind of invitation, it could be a way for you to get your foot in the door, provided you move carefully.

 

Fur gloves might be just the "non-threatening" thing you need to make the introduction to sharing fur with your wife.

 

It is important that she doesn't get the idea that this whole thing is about fur. You need to keep the focus on her, not the fur. However, reenacting a scene from a movie, regardless of whether it's a "fur scene," does provide a backdrop for two people to get together and enjoy themselves and each other's company.

 

I wouldn't go swinging for the fence on the first pitch but you could easily score a standup double.

 

I'm confident that it would be all right for you to buy some fur. Even if things don't go as planned, you will have something that you like. You can always keep the invitation open for her to join you.

 

If you do get the chance to reenact the fur scene from James Bond, I might suggest doing it in neutral territory. Maybe a hotel room. When you start out, don't jump in with both feet right off the bat. Start by rubbing her feet. Lots of girls like to have their feet rubbed. A furry foot rub would still be nice to have even if it didn't go any farther. Don't go above the knees unless you get a green light. After that, start on her shoulders and neck. Again, wait for the green light before going any farther.

 

If you don't know what to do after that, I'm afraid I can't help you.

 

I would reiterate, the important thing is to make sure that she doesn't get the idea that you are into the fur more than you are into her.

 

It would be great if things went well for you and we could truthfully say that fur helped bring a husband and wife back together again.

[Guest]

Thanks Worker! I think you bring up a very important point: "make sure that my wife is more important the the fur" OR "that the fur is not as important as she is"

 

I'll keep you posted!

 

JA

[Guest]

The gloves arrived today! It was hard to do my yard work. I kept coming inside, washing up and rubbing my arms. They are not only SOFT, they are gorgeous!

 

CIAO!