For pet lovers

[ReFur]

Dear Pet:

 

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

 

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

 

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.

 

It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

 

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

 

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

 

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

 

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

 

1. They live here. You don't.

 

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

 

3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.

 

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college -- and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.

 

PS This was an email I received. I am not the author. Linda

Edited May 1, 2006 by Guest

[Worker 11811]

When I grew up, humans came first. Animals came second. If I human wanted to share food that was okay but the dog had to wait until the human invited him. Same goes with the sofa and the bed. If humans wanted to share, they would invite.

 

That, having been said, my dog had a lot of "say" in things that happened around the house. He had his OWN bed, his own food dish and his own little domain in which to sleep or do whatever he wanted. Us kids were NOT to disturb him when he was in his bed. We were not to disturb him when he was eating. The dog had his own "space" he could retreat into when he wanted.

 

We also taught him to say, "Time out!", when we were wrestling with him. He loved to rough-house with us but when the game was over, we taught him to sit up and offer his paw as if to "shake hands". If us kids got too rough and he wanted out, he would sit up and offer the paw. That was his "Game Over" signal. The kids were taught to respect it. In return for that respect, the dog NEVER put his mouth on us kids outside the confines of play.

 

And, I have to agree with that last part. Other people might have some really great dogs but they just aren't "MY Dog". There's a difference. It might be the smartest dog in the world but, if it isn't "My Dog", there's no amount of explaining that will make me appreciate him the way you do.

That's just the way it is.

[Velvet_Tigress]

*laughs* I love animals, and wish I had pets but alas it's not to be.

 

Funny letter Linda, even if you didn't write it you directed it to our attention.

 

Fun!

 

Kate

Edited May 2, 2006 by Guest

[Ravens8]

Thanks for posting Linda. I've copied it and will give it to my wife to read. She has a real love /hate relationship with our dogs

[Guest]

full on Linda!!!!

Thing is...I genuinely belive kids are just a pony substitute.

[White Fox]

Oh my God NO!!!

 

Do you mean that I wasn't supposed to sell my kids?

I am so ashamed!

W

[Guest]

no...thats correct...but did you use the money to buy a pony?

 

If not shame on you.

[Mr Barguzin]

ToS

 

you see that coat WF is wearing in his avatar...... well, that is what his kids brought him... (as in the proceeds of their sale) *grin*