An overly convoluted introduction with a hint of confession

[ShortsightedFarseer]

Greetings, everyone.

After about a year of lurking, I finally decided to get in here and say hi. And share why I'm here in the first place. This may be a bit TMI, a bit too long, but I have a lot of things concerning my fondness for furs I need to get off my chest. This might also be too personal for some, so consider this a heads-up.

I'm a 26 years old male, central Europe. I've known about my fetish since about 14. But until recently, my stance on it has been neutral, sometimes negative. Fur fetish has been something I have for years considered as another faulty trait, of which I have plenty. Stringent upbringing when it came to sexuality, my overly anxious personality, insecurities and other things contributed to me seeing my kinks, preferences, intimate needs, whatever you call it, as something wrong that needed fixing or "correcting". That is no longer the case, however, I still feel torn on this whole subject. I'll explain further... also, kinda intimate details ahead. Feel free to skip the next paragraph.

My main thing is furs, that's why I am here. The bigger the better, massive fox or finnraccoon coats are my thing. And in tandem with furs... asphyxiation and breathplay. Again, for years I though they were separate, another "faulty" wiring in my head, but after giving it a thought recently, I cracked the code, so to speak. Furs to me represent something deeply intimate, primal manifestation of security, comfort and warmth. Size matters to me, and so does weight, hence my preferences. This, to my reasoning, goes hand in hand with my second kink: pressure, breath restraint, these can also be expressions of need for intimacy. Being close to a woman, wrapped in a fur coat, is an ultimate form of sensuality. Large fur scarves, boas, stoles etc. are also integral to my preferences, for obvious reasons. I have yet to figure out the practialities of that, but... anyway...

With that out of the way, here's my main gripe: While I think I finally understand my intimacies, I am still not on board with them. With any part of it. There are days where I feel like it is all okay, I just am this way, and there is nothing wrong with it. Then there are days when I feel like I should suppress it (even though I know that won't help). There are days when I am completely okay with real furs in all aspects of it, convinced that it is the right way given current global situation with plastic and microplastic waste. But then come the days when I question my reasoning and my morals, if this is just my selfish need. Vicious cycle of efforts to embrace who I am with all my quirks followed by doubts about everything and potential futility of trying to sort this out.

"Everyone has their kinks, you are not alone in this." I've been told this, and I've read this on this site numerous times. While I try to accept that, it doesn't help that "my" kink combo feels like I'm the only one out there with this set of tastes. Lack of confessions and lack of adult content of this very specific type doesn't exactly fill me with confidence. Yes, I fully understand that online explicit content isn't by any means reflection of real world, and that there may be many people with same preferences that, like me, are hesitant to speak of it, and may even be ashamed of it. I know I cerainly was. But it's there, the gnawing thought in back of my mind, that yes, I am alone with this set of tastes. And it is something that I still have to overcome.

"You just have to be confident, bear it as a badge of honor." I wish I could, I really do. You have no idea how envious I am of people, especially men, who have the confidence to wear furs publicly (even though I view furs as (mostly) feminine article of clothing, but that is besides the point). This is my overall issue that unfortunately spills over to my intimate side as well. I have a childhood history of being caught "doing the wrong thing" and then being publicly humiliated for it. Not that kind of thing, more in line of me saying dumb stuff without thinking and then being viciously taunted and being laughed at. At home, at school, among my peers, everywhere. Hence my reluctance, anxiety and insecurity, because I know how much being called out for "stepping out of the line can hurt", and I do not wish to experience that. I have confessed my kinks to some people, five, to be exact, two of them being my ex-girlfriends. And while it didn't end in anything bad - the "worst" reaction can be summed up in "Not really my thing, but it sounds cute" - it didn't really help my confidence, especially since my fur fetish was a hurdle in both relationships.

"Now wait a minute, what do you mean 'hurdles'? They called it cute, that's better than what I got..." Say hello to another of my quirks: borderline demisexuality. Sex without emotional connection doesn't do a thing for me. I need the partner - woman, in this case - to be fully on board with both of these things, and me of course, to really feel the full effect. Owning a massive, oversized fur coat sure is a life goal and a fantasy, but it always comes with the idea of having a lady to wear it. Thinking about me wearing it doesn't hit it, even though I find furs on their own aesthetically pleasing. In a long run, I can't see how a relationship where we don't enjoy the same intimate things could work me. Maybe it could, and the issue so far has been elsewhere. I don't know.

"You don't think you're setting your standards too high? Lasting and healthy relationships are about compromises." Oh, I am willing to make compromises. I even went on plant based diet for my second girlfriend (yes, a fur fetishist dating a vegan girl, stop laughing!). But if the compromise entails neglecting part of my sexuality, I can't see how I could hold that up. And if I'd eventually slip and start seeing someone on the side just to get my fill, I'd hate myself. My parents went through a rough divorce, and I'd be damned if I caused one myself.

"These two kinks are not that uncommon, you know...?" Absolutely. This site prooves that there are many fur enthusiasts out there. And a lot my my girl friends (yes, space in between, I'm running for a mayor of Friendzoneville) said that they are into breathplay. But, as mentioned, I have yet to find a lady that shares both of those. And even if, basic relationship compatibility is still a thing, and I am not the one to be with person I have nothing else in common with, just to fulfill one need. Again, not my thing.

"You're overhinking this, man." Oh, almost certainly. But overthinking even the basic stuff is my modus operandi - it helps me think of whatever in a way that lets me forget why I was anxious about something. Like posting this introductory confession on the internet. Crazy, huh?

"Either way, fur fetish is nothing be ashamed of." That's what I'm trying to internalize. It is hard to come to terms with after two failed relationships, teenage years full of concealment and denial, and general anxiety of being in the spotlight for being odd or out of place. But I hope being here, talking with likeminded people, each with their own struggles, preferences and oppinions, will help me with my own being.

"Sounds like you're just looking for validation." In a way, yes. After spending too long playing the "somber loner" persona in real life, I've come to realize that everyone needs other people, no matter how much they say otherwise. And after convincing myself that it's best for me to keep away and to myself, I found that I need to talk about it - even if just online - and stop lying about it. To myself, and eventually to people I care about.

That's about it. If you've managed to read through all of this, 1) You have too much time on your hands or have questionable ways of spending your time, 2) Thank you, and by extension to everyone on this website. Just being here, anonymously reading through many threads, oppinions and viewpoints, has been of great help in letting go of my own doubts. I still have many, but I hope that by gradually engaging with this little community, I can silence these doubts and find peace with who I am.

Feel free to talk about things you find objectionable/easily disputed, or if you - by some miracle - have other questions, I've already spilled lot of beans, might as well follow through.

TL;DR: Hello, 26y.o. straight* male here, happy to finally get here and looking forward* to talking to you.

 

[rabbitfur]

I hope you find that your internal struggle is familiar to others here, that you may find what you're looking for. Welcome to kindred spirits, brother.

[Charfur]

That's a nice story to read, I did recognize some parts of me and without trying to go into a thousand discussions just some feedback
Everyone has their kinks, really?? I am loving this, it makes me more happy with myself. I too struggled (and sometimes I still am) but enjoying who and what I am just works better for me. Most of my friends are completely the opposite from, I really favor the differences it makes things more lively.

You just have to be confident, bear it as a badge of honor.
From my point of view this is where you should put you acceptance. Not just for you, also in relationships, you're in love with the other for reasons and I think you should support each other.
Failing to do so is usually not strengthening the relationship, both sides have to work on this and put effort in this.
The reaction "Not really my thing, but it sounds cute" comes from a friend from my point of view it is a positive and honest answer but I can imagine that this is not confirming your needs.

When reading this I more have a feeling you should work on your fears, low self esteem and confidence. Not on your fetish, there is nothing wrong with that.

And last but not least, welcome!

Edited January 29, 2021 by Charfur

[dongleboy]

A very quick response.  Before the internet existed, I really believed I was the only person with an 'interest' in fur. Well, at least I realised that there were probably a few others scattered around the world but, pre Internet, I'd never know them.  And then the Internet explosion happened. 

It may be hard for someone of your generation to appreciate what having all this information available at the click of the mouse meant to us 'oldies!'  Cinema times? No problem. A review of a book of a cd? There it was.  And so it was for a fur enthusiast such as myself.  All of a sudden we could communicate and exchange ideas and experiences and, best of all, realising that we were NOT alone! 

And again, Welcome! 

Edited January 29, 2021 by dongleboy

[Furrix]

Well first off, you're an excellent writer so I thank you for your contributions to the fur fetish literature section. They were... very enjoyable.

With regards to finding a partner, I think what's important is taking it slow. Gradually introducing the idea and explaining how it is core to your sexual identity will help your partner understand your position. I think it's kinda pointless looking for women who are inherently fur fetishists - this is such a male dominated community. However, furs are sensual and alluring in many ways. They've long had a sexual connotation. I think many people will be open to experimenting - as you grow closer together, it will become more of your combined sexuality.