Strange, toxic community. Anybody else?

[Panther10]

On 3/4/2023 at 6:56 PM, blowmybagpipes2 said:

I mean, discord is by far the worst imo. Most toxic place I’ve found online, mostly the “Fur Lovers” server. It’s just full of trolls and clowns who bully people when they get bored of doing the same thing on COD. 

We’ve had some pretty bad actors here in the past too as I recall. Remember that ego maniac who kept making death threats to everyone? Those were not good times…

[blowmybagpipes2]

20 hours ago, Panther10 said:

We’ve had some pretty bad actors here in the past too as I recall. Remember that ego maniac who kept making death threats to everyone? Those were not good times…

Vaguely, it’s been a few years ago, right?

I agree there have been some terrible members here, though thankfully I haven’t had any experiences with them. I sympathize with the OP and others though who have had such experiences. I highly recommend though that if those kinds of individuals have such an effect on whomever might be reading this, that you completely avoid “Fur Lovers” discord server. Whereas here it is a little more sporadic imo, there it is an almost constant environment of abuse fueled by apathetic mods and members. There seems in some part to be schism of a sort in the fur loving community due to this toxicity unfortunately. It’s quite sad.

[Guest]

On 3/7/2023 at 10:27 AM, blowmybagpipes2 said:

Vaguely, it’s been a few years ago, right?

I agree there have been some terrible members here, though thankfully I haven’t had any experiences with them. I sympathize with the OP and others though who have had such experiences. I highly recommend though that if those kinds of individuals have such an effect on whomever might be reading this, that you completely avoid “Fur Lovers” discord server. Whereas here it is a little more sporadic imo, there it is an almost constant environment of abuse fueled by apathetic mods and members. There seems in some part to be schism of a sort in the fur loving community due to this toxicity unfortunately. It’s quite sad.

Can confirm. I've banned quite a number of bad actors from my server who call that place home. A surprising amount of catfishing and blatantly trying to pass off other people's pictures as their own. I recall one case in particular where somebody sold someone out for catfishing and then expected me to give them a pass for that same misbehaviour. It has to be seen to be believed.

[Danny95]

Re-reading I'm a little embarrassed it's affected me to the point of writing a whole two paragraphs. I'm sorry to see there are many others dealing with the same issues, but it's reassuring to see there are still well-adjusted people around here, including the lurkers. I don't see a solution presenting itself any time soon, but I hope the good outweighs the bad eventually. Thanks to y'all for showing your support. Feel free to take it to the DM's, I don't post on here much but it'd be nice to keep in touch with the more socially-aware folks. 

[Billbib]

Been lurking these web forums for 20+ years. Started underaged, and to this date this may be the third post/reply I've ever made outside of discord. The reason being this.

I've always distanced myself from this community at a large. Without trying to sound rude, I always thought you all were a bunch of weirdos, misogynists or pedos. I've witnessed all forms and scales of harrassment and their aftermaths. Until only recently in the last few years did I feel I was .. mature enough? To interact. 

Worst thing I did was start to post my own fur fetish content. Basically out of the hat on Pornhub and then Fur Lover's discord. It didn't take me long to realize it was the same toxic environment that every fur fetish community in the past 20 years was. Voyeurism is new to me, it's exciting for me, but it definitely comes at a cost with the fur fetish community. It doesn't feel safe. Nothing is sacred, nothing or no one is respected. Whether it be their shared moments or privacy. 

I think for a lot us, all we want is to feel like we belong. It's just so fucking hard to WANT TO belong in this community anymore. I'd rather feel completely ostracized and alone with a fur fetish than to know I share it with so many degenerates and schmos.  

But, I'll vet SlyRoxy's discord. It's a well moderated, controlled, and may I say safe place to chat about furs and basically everything else. As long as those who are on there now keep up the good work keeping it safe and relatively clean I can see myself sticking around this community a bit longer.

[Furbill]

I think you are all overreacting this is the internet and well 90 per cent toxic and bad is some good ppl here and other places If you dwell on jist the bad why are you even on the internet i met my wife  on the internet maybe not here but as said is good and bad  i dwell on the good as is the net and take with a grain of salt get over it move on ffs

[LustForFur]

I concur. People who think the internet should be a "safe space" are being naïve. It's as civilised as it's going to get now. Those born after 2000 or even 1995 will never know just how bad the internet was before any kind of regulation existed.

[blowmybagpipes2]

5 hours ago, Furbill said:

I think you are all overreacting this is the internet and well 90 per cent toxic and bad is some good ppl here and other places If you dwell on jist the bad why are you even on the internet i met my wife  on the internet maybe not here but as said is good and bad  i dwell on the good as is the net and take with a grain of salt get over it move on ffs

Bill if you don’t like our complaints, you can certainly go somewhere else more accommodating to your apathetic and condescending attitude. We’ll talk about and vent our concerns as much as we’d like to, if you can’t deal with that, too bad.

[blowmybagpipes2]

Just now, LustForFur said:

I concur. People who think the internet should be a "safe space" are being naïve. It's as civilised as it's going to get now. Those born after 2000 or even 1995 will never know just how bad the internet was before any kind of regulation existed.

I don’t concur. It’s a community with rules emphasizing decency towards everyone else on here. It’s a small niche community that should emphasize our need to stick together.

I was born in 1990, and that doesn’t really mean anything. Toxicity has actually increased dramatically with the introduction of social media. It really was not like this before. This forum and the fur community at large for years was a mostly benign and easygoing group. I think you need to brush up on your history and look at past postings of members’ interactions back then.

[LustForFur]

I've been a member through just about every iteration this forum has been through. There have always been toxic individuals. The only difference now is that most of the older folks have either moved on or died and most of the active members here are young people who lack the maturity and experience that the older members had. The funny thing about this very forum is that it was started many many years ago by an older gentleman who wanted to focus specifically on the sexual aspects of his fur fetish. He wanted to find the other fur freaks and people who would be described as toxic nowadays. I think the fact it has all been made far more tame in the last couple of decades shows that we now cater to those in society who have the weakest stomachs.

[blowmybagpipes2]

1 minute ago, LustForFur said:

I've been a member through just about every iteration this forum has been through. There have always been toxic individuals. The only difference now is that most of the older folks have either moved on or died and most of the active members here are young people who lack the maturity and experience that the older members had. The funny thing about this very forum is that it was started many many years ago by an older gentleman who wanted to focus specifically on the sexual aspects of his fur fetish. He wanted to find the other fur freaks and people who would be described as toxic nowadays. I think the fact it has all been made far more tame in the last couple of decades shows that we now cater to those in society who have the weakest stomachs.

As have I, like I said I was born in 90. The people who are complaining here aren’t immature in any way. Just because people want to be treated as human beings and not trash, doesn’t mean they have weak stomachs, it means they have self-respect. There’s nothing wrong with standing up to bullies or to people being abusive. If you can’t see that, then that’s not my problem.

[LustForFur]

I agree there's nothing wrong with standing up to a bully, or in most cases on the internet, someone who can't pick up on the tone or vibe they are putting out. I do think, however, that these things should be dealt with on a personal level rather than relying on the rest of the community to stand up for you. That's how you get cases of great things being ruined for everyone because of one antagonist.

[blowmybagpipes2]

1 minute ago, LustForFur said:

I agree there's nothing wrong with standing up to a bully, or in most cases on the internet, someone who can't pick up on the tone or vibe they are putting out. I do think, however, that these things should be dealt with on a personal level rather than relying on the rest of the community to stand up for you. That's how you get cases of great things being ruined for everyone because of one antagonist.

Yeah I’m sorry, but I disagree, there’s value to public shaming and making everyone knowledgeable of who and what the perpetrator has done. The antagonist fears that more than some mod just wagging a finger at them.

[LustForFur]

Public shaming shouldn't be done as a first measure. It's best to give someone an opportunity to reform in a more private manner. If we're all supposed to be friends here the measures taken should include maintaining an environment where everyone remains on good terms. Public shaming merely turns the offender into a pariah. If we're talking about a first offense, and one that was committed on a personal level and not at all aimed at the community as a whole, that should be avoided. It goes against communal ideas to separate someone from the rest of the group if they're not given a chance to be reintegrated.

[Guest]

27 minutes ago, LustForFur said:

Public shaming shouldn't be done as a first measure. It's best to give someone an opportunity to reform in a more private manner. If we're all supposed to be friends here the measures taken should include maintaining an environment where everyone remains on good terms. Public shaming merely turns the offender into a pariah. If we're talking about a first offense, and one that was committed on a personal level and not at all aimed at the community as a whole, that should be avoided. It goes against communal ideas to separate someone from the rest of the group if they're not given a chance to be reintegrated.

You are performing mental gymnastics. Holding bad actors accountable for their actions does not go against any kind of community ideal, in fact your usage suggests you don't know what the word communal means. I also find it ironic that you accuse people of being naive for trying to make things better when you've shown a staggering ignorance of the problems that plague the community. Equivocating someone merely wanting to explore their fetish with harassment, cyberstalking, grifters and impersonation is very much telling yourself. It is also not true that things are as good as they can get; there are plenty of online spaces that have had these issues and cleaned up their act (my server is proof that even the fur community can do it). Frankly, this very out of touch attitude you are tossing around only gets in the way. How fortunate for us that you aren't in charge here.

TL:DR ok boomer

[blowmybagpipes2]

6 minutes ago, SlyRoxy said:

You are performing mental gymnastics. Holding bad actors accountable for their actions does not go against any kind of community ideal, in fact your usage suggests you don't know what the word communal means. I also find it ironic that you accuse people of being naive for trying to make things better when you've shown a staggering ignorance of the problems that plague the community. Equivocating someone merely wanting to explore their fetish with harassment, cyberstalking, grifters and impersonation is very much telling yourself. It is also not true that things are as good as they can get; there are plenty of online spaces that have had these issues and cleaned up their act (my server is proof that even the fur community can do it). Frankly, this very out of touch attitude you are tossing around only gets in the way. How fortunate for us that you aren't in charge here.

TL:DR ok boomer

Very well said Roxy. Thank you for all that you do.

[LustForFur]

Roxy, I'm well aware of how your server works. You haven't really solved anything. The people you call toxic still exist and continue to be toxic. You haven't really helped change them, you've merely created an exclusive club. A safe space, as it's known today. If you want to claim to have fixed the problem of toxicity, show me some examples of having actually changed other people's mindsets. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, LustForFur said:

Roxy, I'm well aware of how your server works. You haven't really solved anything. The people you call toxic still exist and continue to be toxic. You haven't really helped change them, you've merely created an exclusive club. A safe space, as it's known today. If you want to claim to have fixed the problem of toxicity, show me some examples of having actually changed other people's mindsets. 

Once again you miss the point entirely. You can't stop assholes from being assholes. What you can do is prevent them from dominating the culture of the space. Toxicity spreads from the fringes outward; bad behaviour gets normalized and people start thinking that harming others is okay because it's the toxic norm. I'm not running an exclusive club, the door is open to anybody and the expectations are made clear. Those who fail to observe those expectations are kicked out. It's called holding people accountable, a measure you are clearly against. Kinda sus dude.

As for changing mindsets, see below.

 

[Fox]

@SlyRoxy, looks like you might be getting a huge onslaught of new membership requests to your server, for better or for worse.

Edited March 20, 2023 by Fox

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Fox said:

@SlyRoxy, looks like you might be getting a huge onslaught of new membership requests to your server, for better or for worse.

Thanks for the heads-up. Folks made me aware of what went down last night. Crazy times.

[blowmybagpipes2]

On 3/20/2023 at 2:20 PM, SlyRoxy said:

Thanks for the heads-up. Folks made me aware of what went down last night. Crazy times.

Can you please message me what your discord group is?

[shadow87]

On 3/20/2023 at 1:20 PM, SlyRoxy said:

Thanks for the heads-up. Folks made me aware of what went down last night. Crazy times.

Wait, what happened?

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, shadow87 said:

Wait, what happened?

Another server closed.

[shadow87]

Probably the one I was a part of *sigh*. Any still left on Discord?

[Guest]

11 minutes ago, shadow87 said:

Probably the one I was a part of *sigh*. Any still left on Discord?

I run one, and from what I understand there were a few that popped up to replace the one that shut down. Can't advise on those because I'm not involved with them.